Understanding shame
Understanding shame is an important part of being trauma-aware because of how interrelated trauma and shame are. An experience of trauma can lead to feelings of intense shame. Feeling intense shame can bring on a trauma, or a survival, response. This means feeling shame can be triggering and even retraumatising. To create safety, we must be aware of what might bring on shame and what early signs of feeling shame are.
The 3 E's of shame
| Types of shame | |
| Healthy shame | Shame that is felt and recovered from. This can lead to feeling humble and grateful, and increase respect for others and ourselves. |
| Acute shame | Shame that is felt in response to a single event. This can lead to intense negative feelings in the moment. |
| Chronic shame | A constant nagging of the possibility of shame. This can lead to constant feelings of not being good enough, of personal boundaries being crossed or violated, of being a failure or worthless. Trauma is one cause of chronic shame. |
There is no known data about the prevalence of shame. There is also no set diagnosis to help people understand their shame.
Trauma and shame
Shame and trauma are very connected. A potentially traumatic event can lead to chronic shame. Why we feel shame is often related to that event. When we feel intense shame, we can find ourselves in a trauma response: in fight, flight or freeze survival mode.
Shame can be brought on by:
- A potential traumatic event (or events)
- Self-blame for the event
- Feeling unlovable, violated or damaged after the event
- Labels such as victim, survivor, addict, homeless
- Taboos associated with the event, such as childhood sexual abuse
- Revealing the event, even in a in clinical or therapeutic setting
- Tools used to cope with trauma, such as drinking, self-harming, anger or hostility, or isolation.
Shame across cultures
Shame can also be understood and felt differently across different cultures. Even across First Peoples' cultures shame can be understood in different ways and be brought on by different experiences. In some communities, discussing unusual or embarrassing behaviour, even with a professional, can bring on shame. For some First Peoples, the term “help” can be shameful. Being considerate of the communities, cultures and peoples you are working with is the first step to understanding shame in our community.
Coping with shame
Shame can be so unbearable that we try to avoid it at all costs. When we experience healthy shame, we may try to avoid that behaviour in the future. But, when we experience chronic shame this isn’t possible. So we often try to push the shame away or change it into another emotion. This has been shown in the compass of shame.
| Coping strategy | Example |
| Avoiding behaviour | Isolation, withdrawal, hiding, cancelling appointments, giving up responsibilities, emotionally numbing, dissociating, being overly submissive or non-confrontational. |
| Attacking behaviour | Patterns of behaviour, communication and interactions that protect us from perceived threats, criticism, or uncomfortable emotions. This is often unconscious and can look like attacking others or ourselves. This can involve anger, aggression, hostility, violence, narcissism, or perfectionism. |
Remember that social connection and support builds resilience. So, when trauma brings on shame, which can lead to isolation, recovery can be hard.
Toward shame-sensitive
Because shame can impact our ability to engage socially and with services, using a shame sensitive approach is necessary to becoming trauma-informed.
